This entry discusses trauma responses. I used to think that being sensitive, intense and reactive was just part of who I was. I thought I was just… wired wrong. I felt a great deal of shame because it seemed like my personality was the problem. If it was truly who I was, what could I…
This entry discusses lack of childhood memories, trauma and dissociation. Last night, my sister and I decided to go into the lounge and watch the 20th Anniversary special of Hannah Montana. She was in tears. Not the quiet kind either. The kind that comes from deep within, soft yet profound. She laughed through her tears,…
This entry refers to intrusive thoughts (stabbing, strangulation, etc) and impulsive thoughts. A common misunderstanding in everyday life is that intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts are the same. But there is an important distinction between a thought that feels like an impulsive urge and a thought that feels like being ambushed by your own mind.…
This entry mentions depression, intrusive thoughts, gender dysphoria and self-harm. Tattoos have played a really important role in my survival. I don’t mean that in a dramatic way, but rather in a quiet, raw, honest way; the kind that matters when no one else can see the chaos going on in your mind. I have…
This entry discusses nightmares and emotional flashbacks involved in Complex PTSD. People think of sleep as a time of quiet, where the body resets and the brain takes a rest from the day’s burdens. But, that isn’t true for me. I don’t get to rest. That is the simplest and truest explanation. I sleep and,…
This entry discusses borderline personality disorder as a diagnosis, and mentions symptoms such as suicidal ideation, paranoid ideation, chronic feelings of emptiness, stigmatisation and stereotypes. In 2021, I was diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder, better known as borderline personality disorder. Oddly enough, my first emotion was relief. Relief, because for years I felt submerged…
This entry discusses trauma in detail, but does not go into detail about the causes. One of the most isolating things about trauma is that we are so quick to compare it to others. We put our experiences up against extremities of things such as war, sexual assault, life-threatening violence, captivity, profound loss; and if…